What About a Job, Then, Wieden+Kennedy?

The Competition

midgeblogs — Mon, 17 May 2010 16:48:07 +0000

There’s a special feeling that comes with the shifting of responsibility from oneself to others, especially when the others involved have way more money and talent than all of one’s good looks and charm combined. After over a month of robust, yet fruitless, blogging about Wieden+Kennedy, I have resorted to Plan B: Another ad agency.

I mean, another ad agency to come up with a campaign to get me hired at Wieden+Kennedy. Obviously.

I chose ID Branding because they are very close in proximity to WK, and because they mention Kanye West on their website, which tells me that they are not afraid of being edgy or insulting tweens at award shows.

Dear ID Branding,

I hope that I’m not wasting your time, but I was wondering if ID ever
takes on “personal branding” projects. I’m interested in getting a job
at Wieden+Kennedy, and seem to be having “image problems”… I’m not
sure whether I should change my name (“re-brand”), forge a new resume
(“false advertising”) or harass them more than I have already (“market
saturation”). Please advise.

Sincerely,
Maggie Jones

Edit: I actually heard back from Diane Stewart, who is apparently the person in charge of the “answering emails from nut jobs” division:

No we don’t. Good luck to you.

Just Getting So Cosmic

midgeblogs — Mon, 03 May 2010 17:48:32 +0000

Sometimes when I’m worried that my pursuit of Wieden+Kennedy isn’t going so well (Do they even know that I exist? Did I come on too strong with the life-sized cardboard cut-outs?), I do what tweens with relationship “prollies” have always done:

Found Wieden+Kennedy’s date of birth on Wikipedia, but no time of day…Concerned about the lack of in-depth astrological details, but it feels creepy to call and ask?

Guess we’ll just make do…

OMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seri, it is great to have our relationship confirmed as “excellent” by the cosmic stars. We have good attention to detail! And there exists (in some unspecified person or place) a strong sense of mutual commitment and dedication to each other. Wish I could get a longer reading, tho, maybe with more specific information about our “sex and sizzle factor”…

UGH. SEW TEMPTED! Figures that I spent all my petty cash this month on ringtones\lap bands\expired free trials of online services that I forgot to cancel again.

My Credentials

midgeblogs — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:00:08 +0000

1) Studies have shown that if I do not discover an outlet for my creative energy I might spontaneously combust, possibly extinguishing the sun in the process and inflicting bad overcast vibes on all of humankind. All Wieden+Kennedy ad campaigns will have to revolve around the limited surviving materials: radioactive cockroaches, SPAM cans, and Denzel Washington in The Book of Eli.*

2) Due to a lifetime of procrastination and poor study skills at the graduate level, I thrive under stressful working conditions. I only require like 1-3 hours of sleep per night (less if there’s an organic energy drink avail), my pajamas are interchangeable with my professional clothes, and I have spent roughly two-thirds of my waking life in front of a computer screen.

3) Because I came of age in a political\societal\environmental\technological climate in which facts are nakedly indistinguishable from fiction, I possess a (mildly) disturbing but necessary detachment to my notions, both preconceived and otherwise — a peculiar trait that I like to call “team playerability.” Seriously. I’m typing with my toes right now, just to prove how flexible I am.

*Will somebody watch this with me? I am maybe more excited about this film than I am about the Babies Movie, which you know is saying a lot.

I Could Be A Real Asset

midgeblogs — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:09:15 +0000

One thing that they certainly know for certain at Wieden+Kennedy is that you can’t just expect people to work all day and never hook their office chairs to motorcycles to set new Guinness World Records, aka “team building.”Apparently all of these enthusiastic WK employees were challenged to come up with something that they, as a team, could set a new record in. Here are some things that I, as an individual, could probably set new records in, if anybody over at WK is interested to know:

-Most split ends per single strand of hair (12, NO JOKE!), as well as highest percentage of strands containing at least one split end (98%) on a single head of hair (mine).

-Number of romantic relationships conducted without consent or indeed knowledge of said relationship on behalf of other “participating” member. This one would be awkward for me to disclose, but I would do it to build team-manship.

-Maybe I could set some kind of hot dog eating record, but with carrots.

-Inspired by this video, in which a WK employee cajoles a Mattress World employee into saying the word “mattress” 12 times in a single phone call, I would note that people ask me if I’m drunk multiple times a day, without me even trying to make them say it, so imagine those possibilities.

Weighing the Odds

midgeblogs — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 06:29:53 +0000

Today it occurred to me for the very first time that I might not get a job at Wieden+Kennedy. But then I realized that the odds of me not getting a job there are about the same as the odds of me falling out of my bed tonight and breaking my head open.

You might say, “Well Midge, your bed is over 6 feet off of the ground, because you insisted on getting a loft bed, so it seems like your chances of falling out of bed and breaking your head open are higher than most people’s chances.” Which would insinuate that I was insinuating that my chances of not getting a job at Wieden+Kennedy were high.

To which I would readily reply, “But the whole reason I was unconcerned about that aspect of having a loft bed is that I have always, for my entire life, woken up in the exact same position that I fell asleep in. I am a very still sleeper; stiller than most. So actually my chances of falling out of bed and breaking my head open are smaller even than those of people who just sleep on mattresses on the floor. The fact of my bed’s height, while it does increase my chances of breaking my head open, is actually more significant in that it demonstrates my personal confidence in the fact that I will not fall out of bed and break my head open tonight.” So my previous statement (see: top of page) demonstrates my confidence that I will not not get a job at Wieden+Kennedy.

But I guess we won’t know for sure until the morning.

On My Experience

midgeblogs — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:16:42 +0000

Post-college, sim to Winona Rider in that home movie she made about reality being a really great snack, I found myself working in retail despite my Bachelor of Arts degree from a questionably accredited liberal institution. It was a chain resale store that gave people cash for their “gently used” clothing, thereby attracting a steady stream of meth addicts, kleptomaniacs, and recent widowers.

Before I worked there, I sometimes sold my old clothes there, and I had always assumed that buyers based their selections on 1) how cute my outfit was, and 2) whether or not they were on their periods. But as I quickly found out, the buyers were actually trained. They did research, and they weren’t allowed to buy shit that didn’t sell, or pass on anything that would. For example, the first time that I saw a woven Kate Spade handbag, which I now know retail for like $275, I literally confused it for a piece of human excrement.

Which is how I found myself getting paid to read fashion blogs. I made “spring forecast” collages, and I put myself on mailing lists for snowboarding apparel catalogues. I wandered around Saks Fifth Avenue, undressing mannequins so that I could read the price tags on their outfits. I “shopped” at Hot Topic, and Eddie Bauer, and REI, and reported my findings back to HQ. I made casual references to “maxi dresses” and “F21″ and “Gap-pers” in my daily speech, which really helped me to eliminate friends who weren’t in it for the long haul.

I mention all of this because apparently there is a similar, but probably better paying job at Wieden + Kennedy, wherein you make seasonal forecast collages for like, the entire world. Which makes sense, because obviously retail experience should do more than my expensive education to qualify me for a job with health insurance.

And just so you know what I’m talking about:

Makers: Jesse Malmed

midgeblogs — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 01:37:40 +0000

Jesse Malmed is a Portland-via-New Mexico video artist, curator of Deep Leap Microcinema, and creator of my favorite innovative cell-phone blog, “What Seems to Be Going on at Lauren and Patrick’s House.” This interview is the first in a series of chats with Portland “makers” about getting jobs, being an artist, and whether it’d be fun to work at Wieden+Kennedy.

MJ: Remember when you and Raven first got here and we all went out to Thai food? That was a nice but probably exhausting day for you. First impressions of the “Portland Art Scene”?

JM: Excellent music, “youthful” art scene (my own age/level of fame/establishment/energy), etc. Very zine-y, not super rigorous, closed-system of poor art kids with no grown-ups and no money. These were, of course, some of the reasons we moved here from San Francisco, which felt older, iPhonier, more established, famous and expensive.

MJ: First impressions of Portland in general?

JM: I’d been to Portland before, so it wasn’t like you, Adam, and Jeff in my rearview mirror was all the Portland I’d ever known. All I really remember is the hassle of driving with a U-Haul trailer and the sort of banal semi-urbanity that our trip reinforced. And trying to keep the mood up in a dad way, making sure no one who moved here was feeling like it was a mistake.

MJ: And then your first job here was at a Thai place, which is funny. Now you’re at the NW Film Center, but you still have a lot of extracurriculars. What would you be doing if you didn’t have to work?

JM: Making videos, programming screenings, writing, drinking coffee, reading, watching, exploring and rewarding myself for all my hard work. I’d love to be in a position financially and time-wise (temporally?) to be actualizing more of the ideas and projects that I have. I am, in fact, a very hard worker and my dream of not having a job has nothing to with laziness. Something more like selfishness, I guess.

MJ: Would you work at Wieden + Kennedy?

JM: No, but sometimes I wish I worked somewhere that I could be creative all day. Then I think about how glad I am to not be beholden to anyone when I’m being creative, to not feel the guilt of trying to sell people things they don’t need…As much as I resent how W+K has got their tentacles stuck so deeply in and wound so confusingly around Portland creative communities, I’m very confused about all my feelings on the subject. I want you to work there and not because I don’t respect you, your intellect or your talents, but because I do. It’s so contextual and complicated sometimes I can barely bear it. “It” meaning more or less anything.

Things I Will Often be Overheard Saying at Wieden+Kennedy

midgeblogs — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 21:57:20 +0000

“Funny you should ask. I happen to be mentally constructing an intimidatingly nuanced perspective on that subject as we speak.”

“Do I know him? Biblically. Did you want me to set up a meeting?”

“You go on ahead. I don’t expect everyone to match my intense dedication to our client, not to mention my raw energy and equine work ethic.”

“I believe they’re on your face.”

“I know, I hadn’t realized you could have this many great ideas in that many seconds, either.”

“This old thing? You can have it. Please, it’s nothing! It wasn’t expensive at all, my great-grandmother smuggled it over from Russia in her…hat. Wow, it looks great on you.”

“Step into my office. No, my other office.”

I Already Live Here Anyway

midgeblogs — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 03:53:36 +0000

In the spirit of keeping my “friends close but potential employers closer,” today I watched the Wieden + Kennedy “Don’t Move Here” series, which is I guess an advertising campaign about not moving to Portland:

I’ve watched 2 episodes, and I hope that whoever hired W+K to make these videos (guessing it was the Seattle Chamber of Commerce) got a refund on their order, because it actually ends up sort of feeling like an advertisement for Portland. Like it should’ve been called “Move Here, Except Know That You Will Have to Talk to Independent Musicians Fairly Often and They Are Sometimes Hard to Understand, Both Musically and In Terms of What They Are Literally Talking About Right Now.”

Look at all those sneakers!

Day ?: J-O-B

midgeblogs — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 16:46:25 +0000

Well, an unknowable number of days into my aggressive campaign, Wieden + Kennedy still has not given me a job. Yesterday, I woke up significantly prior to the noon hour, and felt zero motivation to work anywhere. Who wants a job anyway? I wondered.

I went to go see my unemployed neighbors at Sowing Circle Farm:

Bill Murray and Ozone, like most goats, do not work 9-5 jobs, but seem pretty fulfilled.

I was going to ask them how they entertained and supported themselves by just doing their own thing, but before I even had the chance, I noticed that both Bill and Ozone are “with kid.” So I asked them whether I could take over their responsibilities at the farm once they go on maternity leave. They seemed non-committal about it.